Another day in my life

So today was a pretty fun day =)  We went to my sister's friend's house for breakfast at 9...it was really cozy and nice other than the fact that we had to get up pretty early.  It was really nice though.  It was his and his sister's birthday party, so later on, a whole bunch of our friends came to the party and we all had a blast.  They live in a quaint little town right outside of ours and it's so beautiful and small and cozy.  We went and walked around for a bit and we had frozen yogurt.  Our town is cray about Fro Yo...we have six shops...and our town is relatively small.  But anyway, we walked around for a bit and then we went back to their house to eat dinner and we had pie and ice cream.

We played Mafia and Four on a Couch and the card game Liar, and we watched Bourne Supremacy...which was loong, but really good.  All the people who were there, and there were 9 of us, are all pretty great people and it was casual and fun and cozy.  We're all a pretty tight knit group, we've all known each other for a while, so it kind of felt like family...even though it was a mixed crowd, it wasn't awkward at all, there were no awkward silences or pauses and that's really nice.  We're all Home Schooled, and it was just a great, peaceful time.  It was kind of melancholy though because my sister is heading back to college tomorrow.  I'm really going to miss her.  But I'll see her in two weeks. 

I guess I didn't realize how much I was going to miss her until she left.  I guess I didn't realize how much it would knock me off my block.  I didn't realize that it was going to take me a while to be okay.  And I don't think a lot of people have this.  Because you can't know what it feels like until it happens to you and even if it does happen to you, you won't feel this way unless you were really close to your sibling, which I am. 

I find I'm really tired a lot.  Of a lot of things.  I sometimes find that it's hard to keep going and I keep having to search for that thing that'll make me keep going.  It's really hard.  And again, no one knows what it feels like until they experience it.  And I guess that when I say 'tired', I don't mean 'sleepy' although I'm that too, but I just mean tired.  Tired of having to wake up every morning and do the things I need to do...Tired of doing school.  Tired of having to live life and grow up and deal with change and all that jazz. 

And when I feel like this, I find that it's time to get centered again.  This is when I make a list in my head of all the things I'm thankful for and all that God has blessed me with.  It's hard sometimes.  Because doing this means letting go of everything that you hold closest to you.  Your fears, your doubts, your self image, everything.  And that's hard.  I know for me, I sometimes wonder if I want to get rid of those things.  But you can't live your life hanging on to those things.  I have huge problems with guilt.  Sometimes I feel like it's eating me alive, and that's when I know I'm out of wack, but I always have faith that it will all get better someday.  Maybe not today, but someday.

Well, that's enough with sad, depressive stuff...I feel bad for posting all of this junk, but I need to get it out. 

Have a great day/night/week/holidays and I'll talk to you guys really soon =)

Amy