Thursdays are quiet...

So it's a Thursday, which basically celebrates the end of the week for me.  I don't have to go anywhere, I have no classes at the college, and I usually have all my homework done except for some Home School stuff.  But I have a LOT to do today.  Thursday is the day when I do all the chores I haven't had time for...See, usually I'm gone all day Sunday working at church and then hanging out with my youth group friends, Monday is the start of school and I'm down at the college for most of the day, Tuesday is hectic, I'm gone ALL day, Wednesday is the same thing.  So I really don't get any home stuff done on those days so Thursday is my catch up day.

I'm starting to head into crunch time.  Otherwise known as dead week.  Otherwise known as 'The week before finals, time to actually start studying you lazy procrastinator' week.  I'm kind of freaking out.  Especially since I'm taking my final four days before when I thought I was going to.  Yeah.  And you want to know why I'm taking it four days earlier?  Well...

Enough said right?  Haha, I almost freaked out in class when my instructor said that he was giving us another optional date to take our final.  That means I get to go to the midnight premier!!  SOOO DANG EXCITED!!  I've waited for this movie FOR YEARS.


Pretty much all of my friends are going.  My dad's picking up my ticket today.  Cross your fingers that I get into the same theater as them!!

But anyway, enough nerd talk...

I better get to school, so talk to you guys later =)

Change

So, I decided to do something different and post one of the many prose pieces I've written.  I wrote this in September.  It's not one of my best, but I hope you guys like it!! 

CHANGE

I made a mistake.  I trusted.  You lied.  I forgave, but didn't forget.  I never did.  The leaves fly away.  Brown and grey and dead.  Everything.  It's all gone and so are you.  But I don't care.  And neither do you.  I know that well by now.  You drew me in further and farther until i couldn't touch the bottom anymore.  I trusted.  You betrayed.  I don't care.  But that was a lie.  The wind turns cold and surrounds me in a nimbus of icy despair.  I'm falling. So fast.  I was blindsided by something I knew was coming.  It's all falling.  From green to red to black.  And back to green.  But each time the cycle repeats, it's harder to stay strong.  Sometimes I almost fail.  I almost don't make it.  I almost give in.  What if I can't escape the black?  What if I can't last till Morning?  But after Summer comes my fall followed by the cold, but after days of mournful waiting.  Spring will eventually emerge.

Tyler Clementi Story

Tyler Clementi was a freshman student at Rutgers University in Piscataway, New Jersey who committed suicide on September 22 2010 due to cyber bullying and harassment. 

1.  Who is responsible for Tyler's Death? Perhaps more than one person is responsible? You may want to place responsibility based on percentage. Some examples of who may hold responsibility are, Tyler himself, Tyler's Parents, Dharun Ravi, Molly Wei, or even Rutger's university?

The key person we should hold responsible for Tyler's death is Tyler himself.  He is the one who  chose to end his life.  Someone did not murder him purposely or force him to kill himself.  We all have free will.  He decided he couldn't take life anymore and chose to use his free will to kill himself.  He was unable to look ahead and see that maybe things could get better.  He was unable to move on.  And I don't blame him.  It was a horrible situation and if I was in his spot, I can't honestly say that I would be able to forgive, forget and move on.  But he was responsible for his own death.  

I just want to be clear.  I'm not excusing Ravi and Wei.  I believe that Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei committed a horrible crime doing what they did.  It was an invasion of privacy.  It was illegal.  They should NOT have done it and I'm not excusing what they did.  

 People could blame Ravi and Wei because they're the ones who taped the video and watched it.  People could blame his parents or more specifically his mom for not accepting him at first.  For making him feel shut out.  People could blame Rutgers University for not taking action quick enough to prevent Tyler from committing suicide.  But in the end, it was Tyler's fault. 

 

2.  Is there something that could have been done to prevent this?  It seems like some people watched the posted video, why didn't anyone step up?

This entire situation bothers me.  The whole idea that Ravi would do that to Clementi, would turn on a webcam when Tyler specifically requested to be alone bothers me.  The idea that Wei would watch it along with four other people in the room.  This is what's wrong with our society.  No one thinks of how the other person, the victim, feels like.  Few want to take a stand for whats right.  And those that do get beaten down.  

What could have been done to prevent this?  

Well, for starters, Ravi could've looked outside of himself and see how HE would feel if Tyler did that to him.  He could've not posted it all on the internet.  Wei could've used better judgment and respect and not watched it with her friends.  Wei could've told Ravi that he was wrong doing that to Tyler.  Wei could've reported Ravi. But they didn't. 

Why did nobody step up?
  Because we're innately human.  Our driving instinct is to survive.  Doing anything that singles us out is contradictory to how we operate.  We're scared to stand up for what's right for fear that we will be rejected.  We're scared that we could be the next victim.  

People also get enjoyment out of another person's pain.  Out of another person's humiliation.  A perfect example of this is the story of Amanda Todd.  Another adolescent who committed suicide due to extreme cyber harassment and bullying.  Because this girl made one mistake, her life was forever changed.  People turned on her and called her horrible things.  She committed suicide because she felt like nobody would ever forgive her for her mistake.  That she was worthless and worse than scum.

  Why do people not stand up for people like this?  Well, maybe it's because it makes us feel less abnormal.  Maybe it gives us security.  Maybe it gives us relief that we're not the only ones who get caught in bad situations.  Or who get publicly embarrassed.   We fear being alone.  We'd rather go with the crowd than stand up for what is morally correct.  We'd rather hurt someone else than be hurt ourselves.
 

3. How do you think that anti-bullying laws will impact cases like this?

Honestly?  Well, I'm going to be my usual depressing self.  I don't think it'll change much.  Except that maybe there will be more accountability for the offender.  Maybe they'll get the punishment they deserve.  But I know it'll still happen.  I know people will still get hurt.  You can't EVER stop bullying.  Maybe you can try to prevent it, but it will never truly stop.  

Anti-bullying laws will impact cases like this by creating more awareness.  By saying outright that bullying is wrong.  That it is a CRIME.  That people get hurt.  Sometimes so badly that they feel like they can't go on.  

Anti-bullying laws are good in theory, but how can we implement them and 'hold' them?  How can we catch every single one?  The answer is we can't.  But we can try.  And as long as people are willing to try, there's still hope for us.  There's still a chance that we can change.  And the more awareness that there is, the more people will be willing to step up.  To stand up for what is right.
  

Today is a Present

So today was a Tuesday meaning that it's the busiest day of my week...I went to the college at 10:30, stayed there till 3:00 then ran errands till 4:00 then had two hours of down time until I had babysitting at 6:30 and then I finally got back at 9.  So, crammed, busy day right?  But I liked it.  It was very productive.

I went to the college to meet with my Computer Science instructor for some advice.  He gave me over and above what I needed and I left VERY excited and pumped up about school.  He's pretty awesome AND he's the one who gave the assignment of creating this blog, so that's another plus.

And then after that, I headed down to this christian club I'm part of called Truth Seekers.  It's a really cool group that's a bit like Campus Crusaders.  After that was done, I headed down to the student center with my friends Derek and Ryan.  We studied together and talked and it was a lot of fun.

I like it down at the college quite a bit.  I like the idea that I can cut three years off of my actual college work.  I like the fact that I can decide what I want to do before I'm actually dishing out a TON of money.  I'm not fully sure what I'm wanting to do.  I want to work with kids.  Teaching and making an impact in a kid's life appeals to me SO much.  But I also want to keep my options open.  Because teaching doesn't make the most money.  But it's something I'm passionate about.  That's why computer science is really appealing to me.  It creates a plethora of options.  It creates SO many more job opportunities and it makes relatively good money.  I like knowing I have a lot of options.  Because having options means you can do what you love.

But anyway, I went to my babysitting job at 6:30 and got back at 9.  I really love the kids in my core group.  They're such awesome people.  And I like knowing that I have that impact on their lives.  I think that I'm going to start doing a kind of devotional with them...So that while their parents are learning, so are they.  I think that would be really cool.  I'll see if I can work that into my schedule.  I just feel like I'm so busy and I'm gone all the time, which I am between school, work, volunteer, social life.  I'm just constantly on the run.

My next entry is going to be a pretty depressing one...but an important one.  One of my homework assignments is to create a blog entry about the story of Tyler Clementi.  For those of you who don't know, Tyler Clementi was a young man going to Rutgers University who committed suicide due to cyber bullying/harassment.  It was and is a very sad, but real story.  And my assignment is to answer questions about where I stand.  Stories like this make me sad.  They make me wonder what our society is coming to.  They make me wonder if there's any good left in the world.  But I know that there is.  In the guy who opens the door for me when he sees my hands are full with school papers.  Or the lady who was handing out the pamphlets for the food drive and clothes drive for the homeless.  Or my instructor who gave up 45 minutes of his own time for me, advising me, which isn't even really his job, but he did it anyway.  Or my mom who does everything for everybody.  And who I love so much.  There's still good in this world.  There are still people who care and who treat everybody with respect and integrity.  The world is still hanging on, we are still here.  And good still exists.  We just have to look for it.  Which makes it all that more precious and special when we see it. 

Another day in my life

So today was a pretty fun day =)  We went to my sister's friend's house for breakfast at 9...it was really cozy and nice other than the fact that we had to get up pretty early.  It was really nice though.  It was his and his sister's birthday party, so later on, a whole bunch of our friends came to the party and we all had a blast.  They live in a quaint little town right outside of ours and it's so beautiful and small and cozy.  We went and walked around for a bit and we had frozen yogurt.  Our town is cray about Fro Yo...we have six shops...and our town is relatively small.  But anyway, we walked around for a bit and then we went back to their house to eat dinner and we had pie and ice cream.

We played Mafia and Four on a Couch and the card game Liar, and we watched Bourne Supremacy...which was loong, but really good.  All the people who were there, and there were 9 of us, are all pretty great people and it was casual and fun and cozy.  We're all a pretty tight knit group, we've all known each other for a while, so it kind of felt like family...even though it was a mixed crowd, it wasn't awkward at all, there were no awkward silences or pauses and that's really nice.  We're all Home Schooled, and it was just a great, peaceful time.  It was kind of melancholy though because my sister is heading back to college tomorrow.  I'm really going to miss her.  But I'll see her in two weeks. 

I guess I didn't realize how much I was going to miss her until she left.  I guess I didn't realize how much it would knock me off my block.  I didn't realize that it was going to take me a while to be okay.  And I don't think a lot of people have this.  Because you can't know what it feels like until it happens to you and even if it does happen to you, you won't feel this way unless you were really close to your sibling, which I am. 

I find I'm really tired a lot.  Of a lot of things.  I sometimes find that it's hard to keep going and I keep having to search for that thing that'll make me keep going.  It's really hard.  And again, no one knows what it feels like until they experience it.  And I guess that when I say 'tired', I don't mean 'sleepy' although I'm that too, but I just mean tired.  Tired of having to wake up every morning and do the things I need to do...Tired of doing school.  Tired of having to live life and grow up and deal with change and all that jazz. 

And when I feel like this, I find that it's time to get centered again.  This is when I make a list in my head of all the things I'm thankful for and all that God has blessed me with.  It's hard sometimes.  Because doing this means letting go of everything that you hold closest to you.  Your fears, your doubts, your self image, everything.  And that's hard.  I know for me, I sometimes wonder if I want to get rid of those things.  But you can't live your life hanging on to those things.  I have huge problems with guilt.  Sometimes I feel like it's eating me alive, and that's when I know I'm out of wack, but I always have faith that it will all get better someday.  Maybe not today, but someday.

Well, that's enough with sad, depressive stuff...I feel bad for posting all of this junk, but I need to get it out. 

Have a great day/night/week/holidays and I'll talk to you guys really soon =)

Amy

Happy Thanksgiving and B&B Haul and Review

So I hope you all had a FANTASTIC Thanksgiving!  I know I did.  I just love Thanksgiving because it serves to remind us of all we have to be thankful for.  I always feel God's presence on that day.  We had a quiet Thanksgiving, my sister came down from college and we ate food and played some games and took naps.  I made the dinner with my mom which is always fun.

But anyway, on Wednesday, I went to Bath & Body Works and picked up a lot of stuff.  So here it is along with a review of what I think of it all.

So I bought a total of $16 of stuff, but I saved $13.50, which I was super excited about.  I bought two lotions and five mini hand sanitizers.  I wanted to get some candles, but since I don't trust myself with an open flame in my room because I would probably forget it and burn the house down or I would knock it over and burn the house down, I decided to not get it.  Looking back, I should've probably have bought their mini lotions cause then I could've gotten a lot more, but whatever...I'm pleased with what I got.  Okay, onto the review.

So the first thing I got was their Carried Away Lotion.  I loove the picture on the front and I love the way it smells.

On the back it says "Our exclusive Carried Away is a whimsical blend of lush raspberries, white jasmine and whipped vanilla"

I definitely smell the jasmine and the raspberries.  I love fruity scents and this one really nice.  It's just a smidge too perfumey for my taste, but I still really like it.  I've had my eyes on this one for a while, so I'm glad I got it.

Next was all the hand sanitizers.  I got their five for $5 deal which I was excited about.  Here are the images of all five of them

If

I just want to say that if B&B made lotions that smelled like their hand sanitizers, they would get a lot more business from me.  I loove the smell of most of these.  They smell very fruity and sweet, which I like.  I don't like musky scents very much or very thick perfumey smells.  I like nice, airy, light, sweet smells.

So Island Margarita(green one) is probably one of my favorites.  It smells limey with a light coconut smell and something else I can't place.  It's pretty sweet, which might be a turn off for some people, but I really like it. I'd give it a 4 out of 5

Next, Sweet Pea.  This one is okay.  After years of wearing Sweet Pea stuff, I'm slightly burnt out by it though.  When you first smell it, you don't really get actual Sweet Pea smell.  It's only after a few times can you actually recognize it.  Which isn't bad.  It's slightly more perfumey than I like, but that's okay.  It was only a dollar.  So altogether, this one is just okay.  I'd give it a 2 and a half out of 5

Fresh Picked Tangerines is VERY citrusy which is what you'd expect from it's name.  It pretty much smells like you just peeled a tangerine.  I like the smell of tangerines, so I like this one, but if you don't like citrus, I don't recommend this one.  I'd give it a 3 out of 5

I kind of regret getting Island Nectar.  I can see why somebody would like it, but it's just too sweet and syrupy for my taste.  It smells like this one fruit that I've eaten, but can't place which is driving me crazy...Passion Fruit maybe?  Mango?  Some fruit like that and I don't really like those fruits, so I don't like this.  But if you like it, then go for it =)  Altogether for my taste I give it a 1 out of 5

And then Caribbean Escape.  This one is okay.  I like it more than I did when I bought it, you just have to get used to it.  This one is VERY sweet and kind of coconuty...which is good cause I absolutely love coconut, but it's just really sweet for my taste.  I like the Island Margarita because I feel like it's kind of acidic with the lime which balances whatever sweet stuff is in it.  So it's just fine.  I give it a 2 and a half out of 5.

So that's it for hand sanitizers.  And then my FAVORITE thing that I got for FREE!!  Is this.

I LOOOVE this stuff SOO much.  The description on the back is "Our exclusive Cashmere Glow is a warm blend of golden peach and shimmering vanilla with a heart of soft cashmere musk."

It smells like their Peach Bellini candle a bit...with more vanilla and something else which I'm guessing is Cashmere musk whatever that is.  All I know is that it's the perfect balance of sweet and deep.  It smells a bit like root beer to me.  Which sounds gross, but this really smells very good.  And this is my only lotion that BOTH of my brothers really really like...so that's good.

Altogether a very satisfying outing.  =)

Hope you have a wonderful day!!

Amy

Homework

1.  Is Professor Grossman off the mark when he says “I tell my classes that if they just do what they are supposed to do and meet the standard requirements, that they will earn a C,” he said. “That is the default grade. They see the default grade as an A.” why?
  
I believe Professor Grossman is right about C being the default grade.  An A is not a default grade.  It is a grade you earn through hard work and studying.  People should not expect to receive an A just because they read the book or did all their homework.  Everybody should do that.  And everybody should not receive an A because that makes all of the people who actually go over and above no different than the people who just show up at class.  If A was the default grade, high GPA's would be almost obsolete.  I am an A student and I work hard to get that A.  If everybody got A's, what would differentiate a D student from an actual A student?  What would create the standard for Scholarships or Honors?  An A grade comes from doing over and above what you are expected to do.



2.  What do you think is causing students to feel entitled to receive a good grade? Is it because a grade of A is now the expected default for "average" work where in reality a grade of A denotes "above average"?  Are the students prior experiences in high school or earlier the cause?  Are parents to cause "my child is perfect so it must be the instructors fault"?  

 I believe that human pride is at the center of this problem.  Many people don't want to learn.  They want other people to give them the key to life.  When you look at the people who are the A students or are honor students, most of them are highly motivated and willing to learn and willing to receive constructive criticism.  



3.  Give your honest opinion of the article.  Do you feel you deserve grades based on your effort or is it that you earned the grade you receive because of your effort?  Anything else you would like to add?


I believe I earn A grades by doing my best.  I do not expect the instructor to give me an A, but I expect by trying my hardest and studying and doing everything in my power that I will earn my A.  
 
When people do something wrong or don't get the result they wanted, they automatically turn and try to find someone else to blame.  Whether that is their parents or their instructor or whoever they choose to pin the blame on.  If we took a good look at ourselves before we blame, we would save ourselves a lot.  If we know inside without a doubt that we did our hardest and tried our best and did everything in our power in hopes of receiving an A, then and only then, we can look to other circumstances to blame.

There are times when the instructor is incompatible with the student and so the student is unable to learn to his or her full capacity and then the fault lies with the instructor.   Or the subject is hard and the student has difficulty with it.  But even then, all you can do is try the very best you can to receive the A.  An A should not be a default or expected grade.

Just to let you know

So for my computer science class, I have to do the following post about this article. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/18/education/18college.html?em&_r=0

And to give my honest opinion.  So...yeah =D

It's an interesting article, you should check it out and tell me your guys' opinion.

Another Day, Another Late Night Posting

So today was a pretty quiet day.  I cleaned my room for my sister whose coming home tomorrow and who would kill me if she saw how messy 'our' room was before I cleaned it.  It was nasty.  The best way of deciding when your room is truly messy is comparing it to your younger brothers' room.  And if theirs is cleaner, you have a problem.

It was raining all day but there was a brief two hour period when it stop and there was a lovely rainbow as shown in the picture to the left.  I love rain soso much.  It's soo much better than snow...Unless it's Christmas time.  Then I love snow. 

But anyway,
I went to National Honor Society, the Home School Chapter where I'm secretary at.  We were working at Toys for Tots and we were all sorting toys to give to kids who don't have any.  I had a ton of fun working with my friends and giving back to the community.

And then I made dinner for my family (taco salad yum!)  before going to my babysitting job at one of my church's core groups.  I have a group of 5-10 kids who I babysit every Tuesday for two hours.  I love them so much and they're really awesome.  It's a lot of work, but I really enjoy it.  We played Pictionary and we drew pictures out of this one book and we had a rock, paper, scissors tournament where the oldest kid whose nine, kicked my butt.  We did a lot of other things too which I forgot.  But it was awesome and I made $20 dollars =D  and guess where that's all going?

Bath and Body Works!!  I had bought my close friend her favorite lotion from there  for her sixteenth birthday and the awesome people gave me a FANTASTIC coupon.  It expires Monday and I'm hoping to spend it tomorrow.  I have to spend $15 dollars and then I get a free item!!  What I'm thinking is that I'll get one lotion and I'll get their deal that they're running of 5 for $5 with their mini hand sanitizers and then that'll add up to $16 and then I can get another lotion!  Needless to say, I am really stoked =D  I loove their stuff and this is going to be a great deal. 

Anyway, I think that's all I'm going to write for today, because it's late and I'm tired.

But tomorrow I'll be posting my first homework assignment here.  Yay!  And then no homework till next Monday!

Bye for now!

First Post!

So this is my first blog post ever.  Pretty special right?  I've wanted a blog for forever, but just recently got a chance to make one when my computer teacher down at the community college gave us an assignment to create a blog.  I was pretty stoked as you can imagine...it's the perfect excuse to start one.

I think the major reason why I haven't ever started one is motivation.  I just haven't been able to find the motivation to sit down and dedicate the time and attention to creating one.  And the only reason why I've created this one is because it's schoolwork and one of the only place I'm highly motivated is school.

I have major ADHD meaning that I lose interest in things extremely fast.  I remember when I was a little kid I always wanted to play an instrument, but I couldn't stay with one instrument.  I played with the guitar and the keyboard and the recorder and then finally I learned how to stay with one thing and started with the guitar when I was eleven years old and I've stuck with that ever since.  Along the way I've started learning how to play the ukulele and the bass and the keyboard ( I still really suck at that.) and throughout that, I've realized that I've kind of become a Jack of all trades, Master of none.  This is a good and bad thing.  It's good because I've 'broadened my horizon' meaning I have a lot of knowledge in a lot of things, but it's bad because I don't have really deep knowledge in almost anything.  I feel like I've kind of reached a plateau with everything in my life.  Music, School, social life, creative writing.  And I think that's another reason that I want to get into blogging.  To add a little more...accountability or more motivation to constantly improve myself.

Okay, well that's that for the seriousness of things...Now for some fun trivia!

1. I love love love candy
2. Working with kids is my passion.  When I graduate, I want to become an elementary teacher along with being in youth/children's ministry.  I love spending time with the kids in my Sunday School class.  They're such amazing young people and I love watching them learn and grow
3. I'm taking classes at my local community college to earn credits for both college and highschool
4. I love my family SO much.  They're the reason why I am who I am
5. I believe in God.  He is the reason behind everything.  I love him with all my being.  It's not religion, it's a relationship
6. I love reading.  
7. I don't really like watching TV...I mean, it's okay and I find it entertaining, but it's not something I do when I'm bored.
8.  I don't play really play video games either, because I know they're bad for me.  They make me really hyper and really intense and I get obsessed with them, so I find it better to just stay away.
9. I love running.  I kind of have to cause that's the only way I'll burn all the candy calories haha, but really, I find it therapeutic to hear the sound of my feet pounding on the sidewalk and feeling the pulse of my heart pound.  The one part I don't like are the stitches that I get or the day after I go for a long run when my legs feel like they're made of wood.
10. Writing is my outlet.  I love almost all forms of writing except for loong essays, but they aren't terrible.  It's the information gathering that's a pain.  I especially love writing poetry, prose and song lyrics.  
11. I record my own music, but it's not the greatest quality...I'm working on that though!  My voice isn't the greatest either which definitely doesn't help things, but it's not horrible either which I'm thankful for 
12. I don't like change.  But seriously, who does?  I'm slowly learning to embrace it though

I love my friends, I love frozen yogurt, I love randomness(hence, the name of this blog), I love my church and I love spring.  And I really really love music.

Well, that was a VERY long first post, but I hope you've learned a bit more about who I am.  Oh, just to let you know, since this is a school thing, there will be a few school related posts on this as homework that I have to turn into my teacher.  So just to warn whoever is reading this.

Bye!